I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
