The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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