I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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