I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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