Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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