So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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