Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Randomize
