ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
