Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
