I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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