Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
