So drunk its hurt
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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