why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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