I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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