In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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