I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
