oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
