I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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