my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
