My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
