remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
