Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just want to make out with him forever
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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