Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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