He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
