SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
