would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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