I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
