Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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