Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
