Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My ATM looks so different sober.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
