Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
