All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
