Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
"it" just moved
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
