I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
