i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
