I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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