VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
