I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
