you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
