ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
