So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
