Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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