My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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