You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
