and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
pray to the hookup gods
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
