I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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