she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
