I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
