remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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