i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
